I was the close to middle child in the family, and often called the "black Sheep" of the family. Though I never knew why I was referred to in these terms, I did eventually end up doing some really bad things. Hey' it was my destiny… Dad defined me that way and later in life, I became someone that He nor my mother or family had influence over. I also had little to do with them in the end. Though I couldn't see the reason for the labeling, I became a rebel. I decided I wanted to be saved, and that the family church was not all there was. (I had read the scriptures.) No one could dissuade me from this purpose. Through offense they had lost all influence over me and my activities.
Finally God stepped in and I received the Holy Ghost, dragging four (4) out of the remaining five (5) siblings with me, and out of my parent's Church. Much like the offended Absalom, I uprooted the kingdom, to the joy of my brother and sisters who loved having this new joy and peace of the Holy Ghost, but to the dismay of my parents. Even though I had the precious gift of the Holy Ghost, I was still stony ground. I cared not that this new way of life offended them, especially my Dad.
I grew stronger in the Lord as the rebel of the family; until the Lord slowed me down tremendously with trial, tribulations, sickness and rejection. I cratered in my spirit, descending into the darkness of depression. Through this the Lord began to teach me to love those who despitefully used me. Even not to hold a grudge against God himself for my life shattering illnesses. I learned to smile and love back and smile when others hurt me, which was a humongous job!!! I did not realize that the smile on my face would attract others to myself. It was just the joy that Jesus gave after removing SO MANY STONES OF LIFE. I learned to love my dad who had persecuted me all of my life, and finally realized reasons for his disgruntled behavior. I was like him, eyes, brown skin, hair texture, tall, the works. Daddy had to look in the mirror when he looked in my face, and was reminded of much rejection in his own life. I forgave him, and truly love and miss my dad, whom I found out was not a bad person at all.
But I was still not much, even with the joy of the Lord, and when the Lord began to pressure me into Spirit to become something, I felt like I was nothing and insignificant. I balked often at the commands of the Lord in my life, adding rebellion to my low self-esteem. I learned through the stern hand of correction, to obey God. I am discovering that I do have something to offer, though the road isn't easy.
The scripture says we a fearfully and wonderfully made and created in the image of God. So for all of us, we must not think that we are something when we are nothing, but we must realize we are what the Lord says we are, and not feel that we are nothing, when indeed He says, we are something.