GOD KNOWS YOUR PURPOSE;
At the age of eight years old I was raped by a family friend. My life was shattered; I became cold, withdrawn, and a loner. The pain was so great I felt like an outcast, a shame to look at and surely this was my fault. I could never tell anyone, my attacker told me if I did he would kill my parents and me. Although would kill my parents and me. Although I didn't think he could kill my dad, because my dad was twice his size. But I knew if I told what I still would lose my dad. He would have killed that guy and ended up in prison. I didn't want that because I really loved my dad; so I never told.
At the age of 9 my parents found themselves in the middle of a divorce. I knew my mom would always be there but not my dad. I had lost him anyway. It seemed as though my life this time really started going down hill. I had learned to hide things very well I thought. I was hurting on the inside and just like the old saying goes; what's on the inside will show on the outside. I became what you called the #1 problem child. I went from straight A's to straight F's. Nobody really wanted to deal with me in my family. They tried but couldn't. I had become the black sheep. Though I looked the same, I didn't act the same.
Looking back to those years the Lord always had same one in my life to encourage me to pray. It started at home with my parents. At the age of 12 I saw my first miracle. My class was going in a field trip. The night before the field trip I had determined in my mind no matter how late my mom worked that night, I'm was going to wait up for her because I needed some money. I didn't want to be the only one without money. Of course I fell asleep. When I woke up the next morning she was already gone… I remember standing and talking to the Lord. "Lord please give me some money, please Lord. I didn't want to be the only one without any, please. This was my plea the whole time I prepared for school" As I was getting ready to walk out the door I looked up and said " God, I know you can do it, please give me the money? " When I opened the door I saw $20.00 lying on the mat. All I could do was jump up and down and thank God for what He had done. It was the first time I had felt joy a long time.
Things proceeded to get worse in my life…it was as though I was marked for trouble. At the age 15 I decided to just end it all. I wrote an English paper at school about how I was going to end my life. The day I read the paper to the class was the day I was going to do it. The teacher never said anything to me about the matter, however I did receive an "A" on the paper. After class a young lady walked up to me and said " Michelle are you thinking about killing yourself?" I didn't think that's any of her business "Well if you are, I just wanted you to know when you kill yourself you will die and go straight to hell"; she said. "Well I guess I'm not going to kill myself"; I said, and then walked off. I couldn't see living in torment and then dying and being tormented forever. That's crazy! But it's just like the devil to make you think; "Go ahead and kill yourself the pain will be gone and things will be much better. You want hurt no more". ( That's a lie from the pits of hell…SUICIDE IS NOT THE WAY! The Bible's says they that endure to the end the same shall be saved)
The pain increased in my life. It seemed as though I was being tormented by the devil day and night. Many nights I cried myself to sleep.